It’s no secret that I have been struggling the past couple of years with my job and finding my place in the world. Anyone who thinks this only happens in your twenties (or thirties, or forties) is in for a big surprise. We are always evolving and our roles change from age to age and I began this year determined not to end it in the same place. So, I started in January on a quest to discover my place for this age – knowing I would turn 50 in March and knowing that the space I was in as a person needed to change. This is the intention I put out into the universe – that by the end of 2016 I would be in a different place mentally, physically (my job & health), and emotionally. I had no idea how this would happen or what the year would bring, but I did start by going to see June House. She is a nutritionist and life coach and a wonderful person who helped me see past the day to day struggles I was having to realize that I could have the life I want, even if I didn’t know how. We talked so much about my dreams and passions and I learned how to better care for myself. As the year started to pass, I started losing weight, and thinking in a more positive way. I believe this positive thinking was crucial for what has happened during the rest of this year.
In February, I had a dream that Rosemary Gladstar was walking in the woods with me and teaching me about plants. I have read so many of her books, and listened to videos – whatever medium I could find to study. This dream reminded me to look again at the 29th Annual Women’s Herbal Conference that would be happening in August 2016. Not surprisingly, registration had just opened and I registered to go. I really didn’t know anyone that was going – just a few of the teachers whose books I had studied. But, sometimes there is a knowing that is deep inside you, and I knew I had to go.
I spent six months working with June and learning. Narrowing down the health issues I was having to poor digestion and, also not surprisingly, the severe amount of stress I was putting myself through, I discovered that I could not work in an office anymore. Besides not being able to sit for 8-9 hours a day, I need to be working with plants/nutrition and somehow caring for people. I had no idea what would happen or how any of this would work out. But the intention, the knowing in my soul, was that there would be answers.
Only a couple weeks after my meetings with June ended, I found out that my company was offering voluntary severance packages. I put in for it and was not accepted. So, when many of my co-workers left and the work became unbelievably stressful, I wanted to quit. I thought to myself that I could wait until the end of Summer, to see if another door would open somehow.
In the meantime, I was preparing to attend the conference the last weekend in August (I will write more about that later) and just a couple weeks before, another offer came through and I put in for that. At the conference, I decided that if I didn’t get the severance package, I would need to quit. It was definitely time for me to put myself first and care for my health. I returned from the conference changed forever, and with a new found confidence to follow the direction my life has been heading. I found out the following week that I was accepted and will be done at my current company on October 14th.
It’s only September and the things I asked for have happened – In ways that were unexpected and surprising – and I am so glad to be in the right frame of mind to see the opportunities around me. I confidently believe that we all have a purpose and dream inside of us. The next time you wake in the middle of the night, before all the usual thoughts can bombard you with requirements and doubts – ask yourself what your day would be like if you lived with purpose and followed your dreams? Every day you can, take a small step in that direction. There are a million doors and signs and directions. Just pick one and go!
What’s next, you ask? The next 50+ years – and I can’t even imagine how amazing it will be if this is how it begins…sipping Elderberry tea with a heart full of people I love and the world opening before my eyes.