My spirit is wounded by the events in Boston at the Marathon on Monday, and the fear and violence of this whole week. I am exhausted, drained from the bombardment of everything on TV, torn because I cannot logically reconcile the faces of youth causing the destruction of life. It hurts my heart to see people suffer so much, so needlessly.

What can one person do in the aftermath of violence? Find the good – the amazing first responders, the police, FBI, etc. that worked tirelessly to find the people responsible, keep people safe, and bring the end of the search as they did tonight. The stories of the heroes on Monday are heart wrenchingly beautiful and restore the humanity to the world that the senseless violence steals from us.

Things have been put into a better order of priority for me: I have decided to be sure the people in my life know how much I love them, give of myself more, be a better listener, and continue as much as I can to contribute to good news and not perpetuate negativity.

But how do I let go of why? 

I want answers. I want there to be a news conference that explains in great detail exactly how and why this has happened. How do two young boys grow up to do something like this? How can any human being desire such destruction of another human being? I’m not naive, I know that these things happen around the world every day, but because of distance, it doesn’t effect me like it should. This time is close to home and does effect me.

The truth is that I have to let go. We can ask, and we can guess at why these events happen, but, for me, the questions I have will drain my energy and start making the rest of my life less enjoyable and productive.

But how do I let go of why?

Questioning life is great tool, useful in the right places, and for me, replacing the why with action of being creative, gardening, writing – trying to contribute something positive and beautiful to the world and do my best to live in peace with myself, other people and the environment around me.

I can’t be responsible for the actions of others. Energy spent on questions that can’t be answered is better spent on being sure of the quality of my contribution to this world. I fight the negativity I see with the knowledge from my own experiences, that people are inherently good and kind.  Most are just trying to find a place to belong and desire to leave behind a good memory so their time on this earth will be of value and they won’t be forgotten.